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” Jim Norton From now on, anyone sexually assaulted at Penn State should just tell Joe Paterno’s statue.
It couldn’t possibly help you less than the real Joe would have.
To the ’70s — so I could see a good Woody Allen movie. If I ever had to date again I wouldn’t ask the guys what kind of music they listen to or what their favorite movie is. I said, “Are you telling me other people are trying to put money in my account and you’re telling them no?
” Erin Gibson We should punish first-time drug offenders by cc’ing them on an e-mail where seven women try to figure out when they should have dinner.
I called him when I was walking to lunch in the summer in New York. There’s all these cute girls walking around in short skirts all the time.” And my dad said, “Yeah, and sometimes the wind blows just right.” Piotr Michael Tweeting is so much more fun when you actually hear birds tweeting outside — on their smartphones. He has all the fiery leadership of Ray Lewis combined with the throwing ability of . Dan Curry February is Black History Month, March is Women’s History Month, and April is National Poetry Month, so May must be Leave Maya Angelou The F – – k Alone Month. I fantasize that the cops will stop pulling me over. And flip through the images of the dresses and think, “I wonder what it would feel like to be inside one of those?
Wouldn’t that have been a wonderful way to catch other terrorists? Geoff Keith My 7-year old brother asked me where money comes from.
Tammy Pescatelli Chris Brown’s girlfriend hired bodyguards to protect her from Rihanna’s crazed fans. Like, my sister married this guy, and now I have to call him my brother. I said, “The US Treasury has printing presses that print out sheets and sheets of money.” He looked at me very serious and said, “We need to get our hands on one of those machines.” Aaron Karo I hang all of my friends “Save the Dates” on the fridge — the way parents hang their kids’ ridiculous glitter and macaroni concoctions.
Bil Dwyer e Harmony claims that they match people on 34 levels. Johnny Pemberton You know what really pisses me off? Chelsea White I realized that I spend the majority of my income on manicures, hair products and alcohol.
So apparently I’m doing a great job of taking care of the dead parts of me and killing the living parts.