He began calls every week dating
He sent her pictures of the baseball game he attended. She told him about her car trouble and he responded ‘why didn’t you ask me to come help? And, most importantly, how you can take control of the situation – like a grownup! If you are like Sue, Lila or Melissa, here is what you need to know: Continuous texting, when void of in-person meeting, creates a false sense of connection.
Do not assume that getting a bunch of texts from a guy means you are having a relationship. If a man is choosing to only text or primarily text, he’s not showing signs of wanting to get to know you in a meaningful way. Whether it’s because they found someone else, were just playing or because they got scared — that’s 100% immaterial. You feel like you are getting to know one another, but that is not what’s happening.
You probably know the guy who texts once in a while as a kind of check in.
He tells you how much he likes you and even acts super interested in your life. He says how busy he is and how he’d really love to see you soon. If you haven’t met him yet and he’s texting to see if you can get together on short notice, don’t be flattered.
Over the past few years it seems that almost every dating dilemma I hear from my coaching clients and girlfriends has something to do with texting. He told her how busy he was and she felt flattered that he was keeping in touch.
Texting and dating definitely isn’t just for 20 year olds anymore. “Melissa” stayed up until 3 AM texting with her dude. She wants to know how to stop obsessing over him being The One.
Sure, he wouldn’t be spending any time if he wasn’t attracted to you, but if he’s solely texting, he doesn’t think of you as a potential partner. You know what you need to know: he isn’t a good, grownup man worth your time. A text ‘relationship’ is simply like being a player in a game.
Expecting him to move on to something more serious isn’t realistic. There are so many ways to know if a man is a serious guy who is interested in getting to know you. It’s a type of false connection that sets up incredibly unrealistic assumptions and expectations.
But I’ll say it again, doing a bunch of texting first creates an unrealistic sense of connection.I’ve seen countless women create complete fantasies and get drawn in — often before they even meet a man. With no tonality in messages, texting back and forth creates enormous opportunities to misread and misunderstand intent.I can’t tell you how many emails I’ve received from coaching clients with a text conversation pasted in and the question: What do you think he means (aka WTF)????There is that fear of calling too often and being perceived as too available or too desperate on one hand.On the other hand, not calling enough and just texting creates the risk of coming across as not interested and letting the whole interaction “dry up”.