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The concern is personality change at major life events, such as childbirth, change actively reinforced and encouraged by the culture.

She isn't going to openly say "hey, I want a sexless marriage and for you to be a glorified ATM," whether she believes it or not.

How does she see the relationship between individual choice and cultural expectation in her own life?

If you guys can't fluidly discuss these topics in a socio-cultural context, not just in a personal context, don't get married until you can.

Ask her how she thinks money should be handled, if she wants to work after childbirth, and all those concerns.^ exactly.

Does she see herself as fitting into these scripts or as an active rebel against them?But I have a lot of other foreign friends who are married to Japanese women, and almost all of them are miserable.They tell me that things change after marriage, and furthermore after she has kids.Even if the husband is a foreigner, it's easy to fall into this pattern, especially if the guy gives up on things like flowers, compliments, whatnot, because that's what everyone else is doing.Really, it's pretty ridiculous you're asking reddit how she'll behave when you should be openly communicating with her about her expectations.

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