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Moving forward In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband.

You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.

ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.

Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people.

She had a complicated second marriage, and her body was betraying her — textbook perimenopausal stuff, awaking most nights at 3 a.m., heart pounding, soaked in sweat.

When she Googled “perimenopause,” it amused her to read that one of the symptoms was “impending sense of doom,” and she noted her discovery in an uncomplicated (until recently) manner: a Facebook post. one friend joked darkly, because of course what Woolf did, at 59, was kill herself. Collins, now 48, had created a secret Facebook group with just that title, inviting her friends into the internet era’s version of a consciousness-raising group, where women of a certain age could talk about things they didn’t want to share with husbands, partners or children.

There is a big difference between a person occasionally viewing pornography with the knowledge and even involvement of their partner to a full-blown betrayal and using adult websites to start affairs with other people.

I still feel really unhappy about what he has done.Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.Take some time out together You can also take action at home to improve your marriage on a daily basis.For example you can prioritise a daily talking time with your husband when you share how each of you are doing.

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