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The first will be from those folks who insist that I must really have low self-esteem about my weight and that it must be coming through to the dudes I’m meeting. The only way to live in my body, doing the work I do, is to be confident.

I know that we have huge problems with obesity in Black communities.

I like my curves, I like ass, I like my legs, I like my boobs (which I only have in abundance, when I’m tipping the scales), and I like my face.

But what I call thick and what the average brother calls thick is not the same thing. (Sister looks fabulous, by the way.) Not quite Gabourey Sidibe thick. And when I was doing the online dating thing (I’ve tried it twice, and I’m taking a break) I saw one brother that specifically said, “I’m not into the Mo’Nique thing, ladies.” Translation: No fat girls need apply.

as women is difficult, because it can make us feel powerless and/or less-than-feminist.

So posts like this make folks uncomfortable, often leading to three kinds of reactionary (and unhelpful) comments. Even though we all have insecurities, self-confidence is not my major struggle.

So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip: What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.

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